I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
