I haven't been this sober since birth.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
