Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
