I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We left the knife in your bed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Randomize