His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
