i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
