So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
