At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize