Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and she was petting her beer can
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
