Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
