Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
