i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
