well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Randomize
