It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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