I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
