i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
