Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
