It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
