Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
