Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
