She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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