you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
