I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
