I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
