The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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