New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
