either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
