We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
