we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
