Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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