how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
