if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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