this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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