he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Let's paint friendship bongs
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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