On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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