Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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