Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
