he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
