okay pat passed out under dana's car
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
