your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
