i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
