i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
