Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
two words...techno handjob
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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