I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
