I am puke
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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