Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
