I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It was confusing and full of hummus
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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