He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
