I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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