just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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