i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
