i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
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