in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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