sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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