The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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