Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
