I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
