hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
