Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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