talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
