Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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