Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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