Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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