Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
