12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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