4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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