i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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