I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
