my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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