i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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