Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
