At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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