I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We had to coat check the pizza.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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