Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize