Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
